No Offense

beauty-primer

You may have noticed that my blog frequency has decreased. I could simply say that I’ve been busy and leave it at that, but that would only be somewhat true, and wouldn’t really address the problem I’m having, so here’s a go at total honesty.

For the past two weeks, I have had probably a dozen blog topics run through my head, and have dismissed all of them for the same reason–potentially offending someone. If you are a family member or have reached a point in your life where this is no longer an issue, I can already hear you saying, “it’s okay! We love you! Just write what’s in your heart!” And “Why the f*%k would you care? Just write whatever you want!” Respectively. You’re both right. But it’s not all that simple. Over the past few weeks, the support coming from all of you has been unexpectedly overwhelming, and wonderful. I have also had some of the stars of my blogs–people I never even dreamed would read them–contact me to ask questions or give a nod of approval, sending me into a panic, internally shouting “holy f*%k! They actually READ that? Well s%£t, should I skip town now or just have a heart attack from embarrassment?!” In the end it was fine, but the anxiety is real!

In addition, as a stay at home mom, my scope can be somewhat and temporarily limited to subjects of home, family, and children. As a woman of a certain age, I have a lot of friends and family in a myriad of different stages of family planning, whether that be trying to have kids, learning you can’t have kids, coming to terms with failed adoption attempts, deciding not to have kids, deciding to stay home with kids and having mixed feelings about that, deciding to work and having mixed feelings about that, deciding whether or not to divulge issues of infertility, defending your choice to have 6 or more kids, defending your choice to have no children…the list could go on, and I know and love someone in EVERY ONE of these situations.

My problem is that any time I start to write about my family, I envision one of these people that I love being hurt or offended or triggering a guilt reflex or triggering a defense mechanism or just generally sticking my foot in my mouth. It’s a problem. So, because I was having this issue, my blog came to a near standstill, and the love and joy I was experiencing through my writing became apprehension and fear. I can’t not write. It’s who I am. So where do I go from here?

I have decided that in order to move forward, I needed to write this blog post as a sort of disclaimer. I have things to say about motherhood, and they’re not all good, or sensitive. I can’t promise that I won’t inadvertently offend someone, trigger an emotional response, or make someone envious or resentful. That could happen. It wouldn’t be on purpose, and I would never want to hurt someone I love, but sometimes words hurt, and I can’t sacrifice my writing on the off chance that someone will hate me for it. I would hope that the people in my life would all understand that my experiences are my own, and because of that, they are intrinsically biased. I am only capable of making decisions and opinions based on the information received through the filters of my perspective–we all suffer the same shortsightedness. That being said, I am open-minded, willing to listen to other points of view, and in fact welcome new opinions and perspectives. Your horizons are only as broad as you allow them to be. I am wide open.

I know that I am extremely blessed. As much as I complain on some days, I am always thankful for what I have. I have a husband that I love, two healthy boys, and a life with a reasonable amount of security. I need you to know that I don’t take these things for granted, even when I feel like running away from it all. I also want you to know that I have had struggles of my own. Maybe they’re equal to yours, maybe they’re not, but you can’t look at anyone’s life at face value and assume that they don’t know what it’s like to suffer or be judged. I have suffered, and I have been judged. We all have.

After this blog post is published, I intend to move on and move forward. I will continue writing about family, motherhood, food, daily struggles, memories, and whatever else comes to mind, and I’m going to try to do it with compassion, but without fear. If I ever write something that triggers an emotional response, I hope that you would message me privately, call, email, or contact me in whatever way you like, in order to talk about it. After my brain has it’s little “holy s*^t” freak out session, I would love to broaden my horizon of experience and gain a little more perspective. I think that’s what the human experience is all about.

 

Photo above borrowed from:
http://hopedwardsteichen.wordpress.com/category/uncategorized/

 

Advertisements

About ariesprimrose

Charlise Primrose is a 30..blahblah year old mom of 2 gorgeous sons, and wife to a genius. She spends her time cooking (and eating), trying not to let her writing muscles atrophy, and discovering the meaning of life in her coffee cup.
This entry was posted in Daily Life and Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to No Offense

  1. muellermr52 says:

    Bravo!!! I kind of figured something triggered your delay. I am glad you are being brave and moving forward. You have so much to offer, knowledge, experience and memories. I truly am enjoying what you write. Please keep it up and take the risk. I know I am better for it. I love you more than you know (actually I think you do know) 🙂

  2. I like to say that we have become a society of people looking for ways to be offended. I promise to continue to enjoy your blog and I feel your pain as someone who is a weight challenged, socially awkward introvert who’d rather do anything that doesn’t involve sharing my deepest thoughts in a public forum. Congratulations on getting past your discomfort.

  3. Laura says:

    I have really enjoyed reading what you have to say. When you first started, I was afraid for you! I have read comments on other blogs, and have seen how some can be so outrageous, in some cases really ticking me off, that I stopped reading them on all the blogs….except yours! Whenever I read something that offends me (in general), i remind myself that it was my choice to read it. You are a fabulous writer. I always love a good read!

  4. Warnold says:

    you know me…. Open to hear other people’s point of view….go for it! Try and p!$$ me off… I triple dog dare you. I love your writing and LOVE hearing other people’s view on things. I have always hated writing, and reading your blog makes me hope that I can write that well one day… Love u

  5. Kersi E. Powvalla says:

    Your writing is too good, pls don’t stop. Only thing I wud like to know is- Is the Blog supposed to be self centric or the writings are suppose to cover all topics. Your Blog is the only Blog I have ever read and following, so have no idea.

    • Good question! A blog has many forms. Some are written like a personal journal, some are a collection of articles, some surround one particular theme (the girl trying to make her fiance 300 sandwiches before they get married, or the blog that features cakes that have been hilariously messed up by the baker, etc). There are blogs about family, sports, vacation logs…it’s really whatever you want to make of it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s